This is a rewrite. I have pasted the comments from my professor so you can know what exactly is wrong with the paper. I got 73/100 I also pastes the rubric. PLEASE pay close attention.
“In terms of content, this essay presents some good historical information, but it feels like it becomes more vague when it talks about the current day, and most distressingly you make a lot of claims that don’t have any source work behind them. For example, you say that police brutality is more severe for blacks than whites. But you don’t have a source that shows this. That’s a very powerful claim, and the reality is that a lot of people dispute it. For example, many people say that crimes committed by blacks tend to be more violent, so police tend to require more force in order to stop those crimes. Other people say that it’s true that there are more police brutality cases against blacks, but this is because more blacks resist arrest, so if you were to compare similar numbers of black and white crime, you’d find similarities. You may agree or disagree, but the point is, this is an argument and we need to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s the point of a research paper like this. My biggest concern with this topic is that you don’t seem to have identified the key issues, as the primary objectives for the assignment indicated that you should do. You identify a lot of issues, but there’s no sense of priority. There’s no sense of what’s most pressing or important to focus on. This is concerning because you clearly need to focus in for the next essay. You’ve identified issues of policy brutality, and generational poverty (when children born into poverty continue in poverty), etc. So, what are you going to argue about specifically in the next essay? Trying to do it all is too much. You’ll write too superficially to make a complex and satisfying argument. Remember that in academic writing, one complex and well-researched argument about a limited topic is better than trying to take on too big of an issue and not doing it justice. Narrow down to just one aspect of this problem for the next essay.”
Primary goals
Establish your knowledge about your problem
In breadth and depth
Explain the cause or historical origin of the problem/controversy
Any solutions that have been historically tried (and failed)
Demonstrate the ability to find research
In a diversity of backgrounds and perspectives
Synthesize information from multiple sources into a coherent context
Identify the keystone issues needed to solve this issue
The “dealbreaker” elements
Do not attempt to solve the problem/controversy
You will do this in the next essay
In this essay, you will provide a summary of the research that has already been done about your topic. Your goal is to provide a comprehensive summary of why this issue exists. Your essay should explain what other people have discovered about this topic already, and how they did that work (i.e., the methods they used for their research). This essay should show that you are highly knowledgeable about this topic, and show that you have explored different perspectives in a way that has let you understand this topic.
Try to avoid summarizing each source individually. Instead, identify patterns or conclusions found in your reading. If you have found different groups that argue against each other, or historical changes in the way people have viewed sub-issues related to your topic, you might use that as a way to organize your writing.
You should conclude this essay by identifying the key issues that need to be overcome in order to bring this situation to a satisfactory resolution. That is to say, are there laws that need to be repealed or created? Do stakeholders need to be convinced, who have historically not been easy to sway?
Time estimate: 10 hours to rough draft, 15 hours total
Length guideline: 1000 words minimum
2.0 Requirements:
Use the style system most appropriate for the subject you are researching (APA or MLA)
Use at least 5 sources
At least 1 of these sources must be academic/scholarly
Identify a problem or issue of controversy that you can write about in the next essay
Establish that you have basic knowledge about this topic in a few aspects
What the problem is
How big the problem is
3.0 Requirements:
Explain the historical origin of this problem
What caused the problem?
What has already been tried to solve the problem?
Use at least 6 sources
At least 3 of these sources must be academic/scholarly
Sources must represent multiple perspectives
Establish that you have basic knowledge about this topic in many aspects
4.0 Requirements:
Use at least 8 sources (you may use more)
At least 3 sources must be academic/scholarly
At least 1 source must be designed for a popular audience
At least 1 source must show the perspective of a traditionally under-represented group
Establish detailed knowledge of this topic in at least one aspect
Identify the “keystone” issues that would need to be solved
But do not solve them (this will happen in the next essay)
Explain why prior attempts to solve this problem were unsuccessful
Tips and Things to Consider:
Include an author’s note for the rough draft that explains what feedback you want
Look for a creative problem to address. A well-known problem that has been around for a long time is probably going to be very difficult to solve, so it may raise the level of difficulty for the next essay
Search for recent sources. If your sources are too old, you may
Brainstorm a few problems or issues you could write about. The first one you think of is usually not very creative
High Pass (100%)
Low Pass (80%)
Needs Work (60%)
Thesis Strength
(25 pts)
Problem is well defined and well-articulated;
Essay identifies an important/significant problem associated with the topic;
Essay acknowledges multiple perspectives;
Problem is creative and looks at topic in new ways
Problem is vague or not well articulated;
Problem identified has only minor significance or importance;
Essay does not present all relevant perspectives;
Problem is commonplace
Essay misunderstands the topic in a serious way;
Problem has little/no significance or importance
Evidence Support
(25 pts)
Essay supports identification of the problem with well-founded evidence;
Essay supports thesis with multiple kinds of evidence
Insufficient evidence is provided to prove all parts of the thesis;
Evidence presented does not directly support the thesis
Important parts of the thesis are not supported by evidence;
Evidence providing counter-arguments is ignored or dismissed
Source Integration
(10 pts)
Essay integrates sources whenever it would strengthen the argument;
Method of integration is appropriate to the information
Essay misses opportunities to add evidence;
Method of source integration often does not match the kind of information or the level of detail given
Key parts of essay do not include sources;
Source integration is awkward and jarring to read
Information Competence
(15 pts)
Variety of sources chosen appropriately;
Research was conducted through multiple research or information gathering methods
Sources lean too heavily on one type; inappropriate sources are occasionally chosen;
Important sources of information are not investigated
Sources chosen miss an important method of research;
Sources are only chosen through a single method of research
Style Formatting
(10 pts)
Rules of citation formatting are consistently applied correctly;
Essay has minimal mechanical errors
Rules of citation are mis-applied or have minor patterns of error;
Essay has occasional mechanical errors
Essay has frequent mechanical errors that detract from the reading experience or affect understanding
Abstract
N/A
N/A
N/A
Analysis of Readings
(15 pts)
Readings are well-understood;
Use of readings indicates good evaluation of source appropriateness and credibility
Use of sources indicates that sources were generally understood, but details were not understood
Use of sources indicates that sources were fundamentally misunderstood or taken out of context
Rubric
Research Essay Rubric
Research Essay Rubric
Criteria Ratings Pts
This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeThesis Strength
25.0 pts
High Pass
Problem is well-defined and well-articulated. Essay identifies a significant problem. Problem is creative.
20.0 pts
High Pass
Problem is vague or not well articulated. Problem is minor or not urgent. Problem is commonplace and/or well-known.
15.0 pts
Needs Work
Essay does not identify a problem, or problem has little/no significance.
25.0 pts
This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeEvidence, Support, and Organization
25.0 pts
High Pass
Essay supports identification of problem with well-founded evidence and reasoning. Essay supports with multiple kinds of evidence and multiple sources.
20.0 pts
Low Pass
Insufficient evidence or reasoning to support all parts of the thesis. Evidence does not directly support the thesis. Order of information is not optimally effective.
15.0 pts
Needs Work
Important parts of the thesis are not supported by evidence. Evidence that contradicts thesis is ignored or dismissed. Order of information is confusing.
25.0 pts
This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeSource Integration
10.0 pts
High Pass
Essay integrates sources whenever it would strengthen the argument. Method of integration is appropriate to the information.
8.0 pts
Low Pass
Essay misses opportunities to add evidence. Method of source integration often does not match the kind of information or the level of detail.
6.0 pts
Needs Work
Key parts of essay do not include sources. Source integration is awkward or relies almost exclusively on one type of integration.
10.0 pts
This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeInformation Competence
15.0 pts
High Pass
Variety of sources chosen appropriately. Research was conducted through multiple information gathering methods.
12.0 pts
Low Pass
Sources lean too heavily on one type or omit an important category. Inappropriate sources occasionally chosen. Important sources of information are not included.
9.0 pts
Needs Work
Sources chosen miss an important method of research. Sources are chosen through a single method of research.
15.0 pts
This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeFormatting and Grammar
10.0 pts
High Pass
Rules of formatting are consistently and correctly applied. Essay has minimal mechanical errors.
8.0 pts
Low Pass
Rules of citation have minor patterns of error. Essay has occasional mechanical errors.
6.0 pts
Needs Work
Essay has frequent errors of formatting or mechanics that detract from the reading experience or affect understanding.
10.0 pts
This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeAnalysis of Readings
15.0 pts
High Pass
Readings are well-understood. Use of readings indicates good evaluation of source appropriateness and credibility.
12.0 pts
Low Pass
Use of sources indicates that sources were generally understood, but details were not understood.
9.0 pts
Needs Work
Use of sources indicates that sources were fundamentally misunderstood or taken out of context.
15.0 pts
Total Points: 100.0
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