last sentence in the introduction is your thesis. It is direct and strong.
In paragraph number 2, there seems to be an abundance of valid information. Your support is relevant and summarizes the text.
Much of the information in the development of the essay requires documentation of text, in-text citation, and your work shows the inclusion of weekly notes.
Make sure that you use signal words when necessary to make your paragraphs even more coherent and to give the reader a heads up that here comes my supporting evidence. Thanks for adding citations, however, giving credit for paraphrases, quotes, etc… Otherwise, the final essay will pick it up as plagiarism, even if that is not your intention. Again, review this week’s tutorial video and notes on how to make the essay flow more thoroughly from paragraph to the other. I hope my comments help with advancing your essay. I look forward to reading the final essay.
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