I have started to write my introduction for my thesis. Its 6 pages so far. I want you to go through and apply the comments what I got from my supervisor and make my introduction more professional.
here are the comments:
You have missing references even in chapter 1 that you say it is done. What kind of references are (REFERENCE) or (Anonymous)
Please delete the working title and start using headings, such as Chapter 1: Introduction.
Usually, introductory chapter does not have introduction. You can keep it if you like though.
Flow of writing must be improved throughout. You are jumping from one topic to another without proper transitions.
Please be consistent how you write Dino Park.
Three paragraphs on Dino Park in section 1.1 – where are the references?
Avoid one sentence paragraphs.
First paragraph of 1.2 does not belong to the section titled Purpose of the Study. It should be integrated in 1.1.
Author has a direct interest – what does this mean?
I do not understand your argumentation that the new parks serve more customers. That is your opinion. Moreover, it is not really correct what you write that so far there was no monitoring of customer satisfaction. Overall, you have repetitive and unclear information in the purpose part and this section should be streamlined as it is very important. You should not be discussing methods here.
Research questions should be proofread. Is your first question also about Dino Park? I assume it is.
Section 1.3: need to be streamlined. You need to stick to the point: what will be covered from the secondary research (literature review and secondary data that you did not even mention) and what will be done in primary research.
Section 1.4: Findings chapter is not the same chapter as conclusion. Conclusion and recommendations is one chapter. You have four research questions (not three). Will need to be updated at later stages.
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